Laugh, Live, and LOVE

This past week has been a surreal experience. I have had the unfortunate experience to lose many family members over the years including my father, but nothing has been close to this. I have had many, many thoughts - as I have stated here before, I am more "creative" when emotional (as you can see in the previous posts from the past seven days).

Here are some thoughts on life:

Probably the biggest advice/most important thing I can pass along is amost a tired cliche - live every day as it is your (or your loved one's) last day. Although my wife had a terminal illness, I thought we had time to do and say what we wanted. If you have something you have always wanted to do, if there is any way you can do it (or a close substitute) financially - I recommend you DO IT! If there is something you want to say - same advice - SAY IT! Besides the loss of my lifetime companion, things left undone or unsaid are the hardest for me. This is especially true if these things are simple things. You may want to go for ice cream. If you are a caregiver for someone that cannot move well, that can be hard. It is easier to say to yourself (or your loved one) - "We will do that tomorrow". I used to tell my kids (in fact we had a little chant that I bet they remember) - tomorrow never comes. By definition that is true - yesterday's tomorrow is today. So, waiting for tomorrow is fruitless in many ways.

Try to find something to laugh at. This one was probably one of the things that my wife and I did the best. She had a great sense of humor and I and am a reknown idiot. I do remember we laughed at many things last Saturday (her last day conscious). I am very glad for that. Oh, there were days we wept togther as well. I feel that is important too, but laughter is great for everyone involved. Try to find something that can make you laugh, as often as you can.

Involve family and friends. I feel my wife and I left this one a bit short. It was so easy for us to withdraw and just have each other. That is great, but it means two people are trying to "recharge" each other. When you get run down and depressed, that can be impossible. I believe the most important thing you get by contact with people that love you, and you love, is strength. We all need to be recharged with love, faith, and friendship to make it. Our internal "batteries" can only go so long without a charge. Like I said, if both of you are low on "juice" that will not happen. You are running on empty. The first two points above can help recharge to a point, but ultimately you need other people to pull the "power" from. Our kids and family were close, but see point one - everyone thinks there is going to be a tomorrow to visit. If you are the caregiver, remember YOU need recharging. This is probably the area that I was most remiss in. I felt like I needed to be with my wife every moment I could. Don't get me wrong, I am greatful for every minute. But, going back to point one, I wonder if I had stepped away occasionally if I would have had the strength (or drive, or gumption, or whatever) to take my wife out more, even if it was just to ride around. Caregivers, take care of yourself. I know I am not the first to say that by any means, but it is important enough to repeat often.

Tell those you love that you love them - do it often. Then repeat. 'Nuff said.

As a follow up (and maybe conclusion) to the above points I will get personal again. We have had family and friends around all week. We have had food enough to feed small countries. We have cried together and we have laughed together. All of that has been wonderful In fact, I do not know how I would have made it through the week without it. However, my wife (and I) would have LOVED to have the people, the food, and the fellowship when she was alive. If you know someone that is suffering with an illness, especially if they are limited in movement - go see them! If they are family, you are REQUIRED to! Any of the gatherings we have had this week, had they happened last anytime in the previous weeks, would have thrilled my wife (and me) to no end. If you know a family that is going through something like mine just did, take them a meal or a dessert. Drop them a call. Send them a card. Offer to go shopping for them. I am lucky in that I have six children that all live fairly close by and they helped me with this, but we still did not get everyone together and commune like we have this past week. Like I said, my wife would have loved it, as I am sure most people in her condition would have. Make a point to contact them.

Enough for now. I realize I got a bit "preachy". Sorry. I do feel strongly about this for obvious reasons. I hope I can live up to my own words as I go forward.