Update

I was working on a catchy title for this one, but the muse is not with me.

This is just an update. I feel somewhat obligated to write occasionally and was not feeling particularly motivated about any one subject.

Like most humans, I find myself feeling sorry for me sometimes. If I can't do or get what I want for some reason, I lament - if only to myself. There are a lot of tasks that I do now that I never did before. I have always had no problem with domestic chores. I enjoy cooking (not talking about grilling a steak or hamburger, but making a meal), I have done the laundry for over a decade as one of my household duties, and many other things. Since my wife has been incapacitated by her disease, I have to do a lot of "stuff" or it does not get done. We are lucky in a sense that our daughter that helps with her Mom during the day is a bit of a neat freak. I have never been one for gratuitous cleaning, she is helping a lot with the actual cleaning vs the wiping the middle of the counters that I do. However, that still leaves a lot of other things that must be done. So, for the most part I get them done.

When I notice me feeling sorry for myself, I just think of my wife. There have been times that I or someone would comment something like "I really don't want to go to the store" or "Man, I hate having to pick her up now, it is so inconvenient" or whatever. On a few of those occasions I have been snapped back to reality by a quiet comment from my wife saying "I wish I could". When you cannot go or do anything, you gain appreciation for everything. As I will complain about having to go to the grocery store, she admits she would love to go. As I whine about making another meal, she mentions that it would be wonderful to cook again. And so it goes.

Imagine you sitting in a chair. Sitting, sitting, sitting.... That is your life. Having a conversation with someone is out, because they cannot hear or understand you. You can't use the phone, because you can't dial the numbers - and if someone dials them for you, the person on the other end can't hear you anyway. You can watch TV, but you can't change the channel because you can't work the remote. The computer is a wonderful device to communicate and keep up with friends and family, right? What if you can't work the keys anymore? How about a book? Can't hold it still and the eyes wander so much and blur so often; not really practical.

So, can't walk, drive, talk, type, read, and so on and so on. At least you can sit in comfort, right? Not really anymore. The tremors are there most of the time to irritate and aggravate. The torticollis continually pulls your head to your chest and bends you forward. Your hands and arms cramp as they draw up and curl inward. Your rear end hurts from sitting so much. You get the idea.

So, when I don't feel like going and getting my wife out of bed, or making another meal, or doing a load of laundry; I just think how it would be to not be able to do anything. I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. The shade is getting harder to find.

If you know someone that is caring for a loved one that is ill, remember them. Give them a call. Give them a break. I respectfully honor and offer thanks and good thoughts for any of you out there doing so. Enjoy what you can, when you can. Appreciate what you do have. Don't regret what you don't.