You may get this more if you read (or re-read) these older posts: (which are now contained below - read the first post in this blog to get the drift)
"A Serious One" from 4/6/08
"Alphabet diseases" from 11/13/07 and
"Questions" from 1/20/08
I am still trying to get answers to the Questions asked in the post above. I have not found any that are worthy of printing. I have come up with more questions:
How does one handle seeing the continual decline of their spouse and not being able to do a thing about it?
How do you take the inability of your 53 year old wife to get out of bed, or in and out of the shower unaided?
How do you answer questions that beg not to be asked, like: will I see Bailey (our daughter, a rising senior)graduate; will Hannah (our granddaughter - almost 3) remember me; or will I see Landon (or grandson - 6 months) walk?
How do you comfort your bride of 35+ years when she looks at you with tears streaming down her face?
Most of all, how do you offer support and help when you are so damn mad at the world and the situation that all you want to do is scream!? When even your best efforts just don't cut it. When nothing at all makes it go away!?! When the best that doctors can do is "See you in three months".
If you are diagnosed with cancer; even one of the terrible ones, there are treatments and a chance of recovery or remission. Most cancers now have a good recovery rate. (before anyone with cancer takes offense, I am not making light of cancer, just comparisons) She does not get that. We get a gradual, progressive march downhill, with nothing to assist or offer hope.
55 is not a time to be facing the death of a spouse. There is never a good time, but with a known life expectancy in this country of well over 70+, a few decades more might have helped. 53 is definitely not the time to be facing ones own death. As frustrating as this time is for me, I cannot fathom what it must be like to be on the other side of this.
This disease is like the elephant in the room. Everyone can see it, everyone has his or her reaction to it; no one comments on it.
Our kids have stepped it up since the "Questions" post of above. I still get asked "How is your wife?" from people that just want to hear - O.K. or at worst - "about the same". I appreciate the thought (when asked sincerely, not conversationally), I just get weary of the answer.
Down enough yet? I know I am.
Comments welcomed, support for my wife - demanded.
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I completely understand what you are going through, you have my sympathy and empathy. My husband and I are only 42 with two young teenagers, and in a similar boat as you are. My husband received that same horrible diagnosis a few months ago. I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this but we appreciate your blog as we see a lot of ourselves in it. I wish for everyone else's sake that we were in this alone (I wouldn't wish this on anyone) however, as selfish as it is, it helps to know we are not alone.
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